Deadline, New Deadline

April 30th, 2013

Writing

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creative process, deadline, just keep swimming, self-doubt is an asshole

So remember that time I said I wanted to finish my first draft by the end of March? Yeah, me too. In fact, I believe it’s the post preceding this one (now, the end of April).

Basically, I did a fine job of completely psyching myself out. It always starts so innocuously, too. There I am, browsing Goodreads, nodding along to reviews of books that have absolutely nothing to do with mine, stuffing my mouth with baguette and cheese and tea. And then suddenly, I realize that: 1) all of the good things said in these reviews will never apply to my book; and 2) all of the bad things will. Never mind that these reviews address the breadth of genre and literature and quality.

Cue cycle of psyching self out.

My characters and everything that occurs in my story are dumb.
The stakes aren’t high enough. None of it is believable.
This has been done before, probably better, so why bother?
Oh god, all of my friends and acquaintances will read this and judge me. (It’s always the issue of people I know. Why is it so much harder than strangers?)
Considering that, maybe I should just go find a regular job.
Except working in an office setting kind of makes me want to stab myself in the eye.
Screw it, this is what I love doing and it’s worth doing for that reason alone!
Maybe I should try another plot. Or genre.
(Spend the afternoon creating a new plot. In another genre.)
No! I’ve invested too much in what I’ve already got to give it up.

Deep down, I know I can do this. Deep down, I see a life for myself where I make this work, and I love it. I can’t imagine anything better. I examine my life in retrospect, the turns I’ve taken that didn’t always make sense, and I can see now how they’ve brought me here. I suppose this would qualify as my dream, though I’ve never thought of it in such terms. There is beauty in language, in crafting a sentence that is just so. Put simply, when all the other voices quiet down, when I forget all the advice I’ve received, when I find that place where self-doubt can’t touch me, there is real joy.

And it’s within my reach. Time to buck up and take it.

Not to mention, I’m a little in love with the cover I designed (if I’m allowed to say so), and I can’t use it until the book is actually, you know, complete. Details (sigh).

The Home Stretch

March 13th, 2013

Writing

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deadline, novel, numbers are not my friend, panic not quite, word count

I’m kind of there. At least, I’m desperately trying to convince myself I’m there.

I use Scrivener to write, and it rocks. One of its awesome features is the ability to set a word count or—even better—a word count with a target date, and it will automatically calculate how many words you need to write each day to hit your deadline. And then! When you hit your daily word count like a boss, a notification will pop up and pat you on the back and cheer and hand you a beer and declare you the man, basically.

Of course, there is a downside. Obviously, if you don’t meet your word count one day and you’re on a deadline, the next day your word count will increase. And the next. And the next. And… the next. Until you’re terrified to even check because you know you’re going to be buried under a mountain of WORDS, SO MANY WORDS, MY GOD.

That’s where I am now. I want to finish my first draft by the end of this month. 17 days. You know what happens when you have to write several ten thousands of words and you have only 17 days to do so? Math, man. Sometimes, it really sucks.

I have to write at least 3,000 words per day to hit my deadline. And I really want to hit it, just for the action! Editing (I love editing—in fact, I love it so much I’m thinking of dedicating a post to how much I love it, I know, there are wild things coming up on the horizon for this blog), professional editing (terrifying and exciting; I’m clutching my pearls just thinking about it!), ramped up marketing, beta readers, launch dates, ebook formatting! SO MANY FUN THINGS. I want to do them.

Seventeen days. Can I do it? I want to say “please don’t judge me if I don’t,” but I think that might be admitting defeat before I’ve even begun, and that seems kind of lame. So instead I’ll stick with two of my mom’s favorite cheers from my childhood (I say childhood but it’s entirely possibly I’ve heard one or both of these phrases sometime in the last month): go get them, tiger! And: go ninja, go ninja, go!

Creative Paralysis

March 11th, 2013

Random

4 Comments

just keep swimming, nothing of consequence, sophie, word count

I have it. Actually, I’ve had it for over a week. I have so many different forms of creative output I could pursue, too! Allow me my moment of whining drivel here: I could write, but I’ve decided that I hate my story and everything that happens in it and that everything I write is dumb. I could draw, but I haven’t drawn in years and staring down a blank sketchbook page is actually kind of terrifying. I could practice the piano, but I haven’t practiced in months and I’d have to start with boring scales to get back into it, then I’m just going to give up halfway through relearning one of my old pieces. I could post on my blog, but what of value could I possibly have to contribute to the internet, which is already saturated with too much of everything? I mean, I’m seriously planning on turning my Instagram feed into a wheaten terriergram feed (I couldn’t think of anything more clever than that, I’m sorry, but at least now you’ve been warned that you shouldn’t come here expecting any cleverness from me), for god’s sake, man.

There. Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, we can all move on with our lives. Although, I think the paragraph above only serves to prove my point that I have nothing worthwhile, interesting, and/or original to say here. I’m sure you’re all jumping at the bit to subscribe to my RSS feed after that enlightening experience.

I know what I have to do. I have to bite the bullet and just keep swimming. Or, in this case, just keep writing. Because damn it, I’m 45,811 words in and there’s no going back now!(!) And then I need to take some time out to draw some really awful drawings, because they’re guaranteed to be awful and that’s just a fact, then I need to celebrate in their awfulness. And then I need to sit down in my chair and write blog posts like this, because that’s who I am and what I feel like writing about, and lord knows the internet could do without another post re: “6 best writing habits” or “10 little known tricks to increase your web presence” or “25 ways to make your blog more interesting” (since—who am I kidding?—I don’t have it in me to pretend to be interesting, therefore I hardly qualify as the premier authority to speak on the matter).

So on this foggy Monday—as I drive my poor dog insane by listening to nothing but Mumford & Sons on repeat for the nth day in a row (a fitting revenge, I suppose, since I walked her all over the neighborhood this morning and she refused to do her business and she actually psyched me out, yes, really, she squatted like, oh hey, I’m totally going to do my business now, then she was like PSYCH! just practicing)—I move forward!

5 Notable Reads of 2012

January 2nd, 2013

Reading

2 Comments

books, classics, contemporary romance, urban fantasy, young adult

Throughout college and especially law school, I neglected reading for pleasure. In 2010 I got an iPad for my birthday, and promptly fell in love with ebooks. This may be sacrilege, but I have no particular attachment to the physical act of holding a book to read. The smell of books is a delight for sure, but paperbacks and hardcovers take up space. They weigh a lot. And they take time to ship. Ebooks I keep in my own personal library, all the time. Wherever I take my iPad I take with me all the books I haven’t read yet, plus old favorites to reread whenever I like.

I loved the ability to read books the moment I fancied them. I dove into the wealth of reviews and recommendations on Goodreads. Soon I reverted to my middle school self, the girl who tied her best friend with the most books read each grade year. I was a bloodthirsty bookworm on a rampage, and it was glorious. I read a handful of classics (though this year I pledge to read more), some fantasy (always a favorite), and a whole lot of romance, which I had never read before. At one point I think I overdosed on historical romance, saturated up to my ears in it, but I couldn’t resist and plowed on. I discovered new genres of paranormal romance—I devoured the Fever series—and young adult, which turned out to be hit or miss for me. All in all, I read over 100 books, some challenging, most purely for entertainment. Looking back on the year, I’ve picked five books that left an impression on me for one reason or another.

Jane Eyre
Jane Eyre kind of blew my mind. After finishing it, I just stared into space for a while. I didn’t love the ending, and there were many imperfections, but still I loved the experience. I reread sections of it immediately after turning the last page. It was the first book in 2012 that stopped me in my tracks; for weeks afterwards I read nothing else, until the spell wore off. Fortunately, a remake of Jane Eyre came out in 2011, so I indulged, and crushed on Michael Fassbender.

Atonement
There’s not much I have to say about Atonement other than love, love, love. Most of all, I loved the prose, especially at the beginning, when the strange inner monologue of childhood is painted with devastating accuracy. At points it made me despair and think, why bother writing at all when something like this already exists? This was another case in which I watched the movie after reading the book, and oh, the tears.

Sugar Daddy
Terrible title aside, Sugar Daddy is one of my favorite contemporary romances. I developed a love for Lisa Kleypas through her historical romances. I’ve tried many other historical romance authors since, but none of them have come close to the magic of Kleypas’s stories and characters. Sugar Daddy is not a straight up romance; it follows the story of Liberty Jones from childhood onward, through significant struggles, and the romance comes into play halfway through. Sometimes I wish that part of the book received more attention, because the hero is one of my absolute favorites, but it’s a very satisfying read regardless.

Mind Games
The Disillusionists Trilogy, starting with Mind Games, is a unique urban fantasy series, which follows a group of crime fighters who take down criminals by projecting their neuroticism onto their targets. Justine, the main character, is a hard core hypochondriac. Other characters include a compulsive gambler, and a perpetual pessimist with the power to strip life of all its beauty. I’m sure everyone can relate to the anxiety of obsessive compulsive thoughts to some degree, and this series takes an amusing and interesting look on how individuals cope with these thoughts. There is a love triangle, which becomes even more pronounced in the second and third books, but this is one case where a love triangle is handled very well, and actually adds to the story and character development.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone
Daughter of Smoke and Bone is my favorite young adult book of 2012. It’s somewhat of an urban fantasy, with strange creatures, mysterious teeth, angels at war, and star-crossed lovers. The world is original, and the descriptions of Prague really bring the city to life. Though the second half doesn’t have quite the spark as the first, it’s a very enjoyable read. It ends on a cliffhanger, but fortunately the second book has come out, so you don’t have to wait in suspense for long.

Deadline, New Deadline

The Home Stretch

Creative Paralysis

5 Notable Reads of 2012

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